Embrace Your Fear
Written by Andi Bazaar | July 30, 2022
“In honor of Mental Health Awareness, a journey of mine on being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. To start, getting diagnosed at 37 has been very beneficial for me.”
After a lifetime of never feeling like I was living up to my potential, I started to put the pieces together.
ADHD doesn’t just exist in hyperactive boys. ADHD can present as hyperactivity, inattentiveness or a combo. "Hyperactivity" is more common in boys/men and can be easier to diagnose. Inattentiveness is more common in girls/women and symptoms tend to missed.
"Inattentiveness" is often attributed to anxiety, depression or other conditions. This happened to me, my inattentiveness was attributed to anxiety when (maybe) my anxiety was a result of inattentiveness.
Once I was diagnosed, I would read stories of other women diagnosed in adulthood and cry. It was a massive relief to know that others felt the same way. I wasn’t a hyperactive kid-very active but not the ADHD stereotype, I got good grades and didn’t struggle much but once I got to my sophomore and junior years of college my grades started to slip in the classes that didn’t hold my attention. Straight As in the classes I loved though, same in grad school.
A prof said to me, “when you’re motivated, you do really good work.” — I think over time I just adapted and compensated, even when I was struggling.
I’m fortunate to be self-employed and can make accommodations for myself (i.e. manage my own schedule) but I’m still figuring out how to be my best, most content self at home and work.
ADHD is fucking frustrating, but there are ways to make it better.
1. Enough sleep: this is tricky because the ADHD brain can struggle with falling and staying asleep but sleep is crucial.
2. Exercise: the more I move, the happier my brain is.
3. Therapy.
4. Time outside.
5. Medication: stimulants aren’t party drugs for people with ADHD, they can be a lifeline. For those of us who don’t like the side effects, there are non-stimulant options as well. (Obviously talk to your doctor, not medical advice.)
6. Supportive friends and family.
If you are struggling, please know that there are lots of us out here in neurodiversity land. We tend to be friendly and there is help available. Be gentle on yourself, take care of yourself and you don’t have to struggle alone.
A QUICK STORY ON MY THOUGHTS AROUND MY JOURNEY THIS YEAR.
I'm feeling a little disillusioned by the campaign two years into COVID-19, raising awareness around mental health will always be important. Always, but I don't believe that awareness is the issue right now.
THE ISSUES TO ME TODAY, ARE:
1. We are almost two years into a global pandemic, we are exhausted and we are struggling but our expectations around what needs to be accomplished at work and at home have not changed enough to match that. That isn't on COVID, that is on us.
2. Equity is still a significant concern in the mental health space, mental health simply can't be a case of the haves and the have nots. I think there is a lot of awareness around mental health challenges right now, but there isn't nearly enough awareness around inequity.
3. I believe 100% that it is "okay to be not okay," and it is a sentence I've said here many times but I refuse to believe that it is okay that so many people are struggling right now and we don't have the mental health infrastructure to support that.
4. Mental health professionals, educators and health care professionals are under-resourced and burning out. They need funding but they also need us to stop pushing people to their limits in the middle of a pandemic. If we can't fund them, something else has got to give.
When it comes to each individual person, it is very much okay to not be okay but at the community level. It is not okay that so many people are struggling and we are not doing enough to change our collective expectations accordingly, we need change. Let's talk about that today.
As an activist and organizer, I spend most of my time these days speaking to people both locally and nationally about what issues they are most concerned about.
Americans are worried about many things, but recently I have noticed how nearly every conversation comes back to mental health. From homelessness, to healthcare, to education and beyond, regardless of the issue and often regardless of where someone falls on the political spectrum, mental health is regularly at the center.
When I speak with teachers and administrators about our education system, the most common worry I hear lately is about the mental health of our students. We have a generation of students going through one of the most complex traumatic events in U.S. history, who have spent formative years in separation and anxiety for the future.
At the same time these teachers are experiencing mental health issues of their own, as they have been forced to completely overhaul teaching methods and in many cases become social workers and therapists in everything but name only to support their students. This pattern is also visible in nurses, who have been on the front lines of watching nearly 1 million Americans die from COVID, often scared and alone in their final moments.
Our nurses are managing ever increasing mental health issues in their patients, while experiencing growing issues themselves due to the unrealistic expectations we as a country have placed on them while providing minimal support.
In my hometown of Los Angeles, arguably our most talked about crisis is homelessness but in many ways this is a mental health issue too. Our most visible unhoused neighbors are often those most struggling with mental health issues, yet mental health services are barely available to the general population, let alone the unhoused.
This crisis is not limited to people in particular professions, nearly every person I have spoken to throughout my campaign has a story of trauma from these recent years. I myself lost three family members and my small business in 2020. I have lost count of the people who have poured their heart out in their first conversation with me because so few of us get sincerely asked “how are you doing?”
Despite going through this experience together, there is still a stigma to mental health issues in the US. We are told as Americans to grit our teeth, work hard and push through also values that I love about this country but there is a limit and we are approaching it.
It’s also important to remember that this was already a crisis in the making pre-covid. In 2019, nearly 50 million American adults experienced mental illness annually (according to a report from Mental Health America).
American adults are having serious thoughts of suicide at ever increasing rates, with 11 million adults report having such thoughts in 2019.
"What we can do?" — I am not the first to make this request, but I echo those who have called on President Biden to designate a “Fauci for mental health.”
This crisis must be treated with the same respect and urgency as COVID, Americans need to know that their stress and anxiety is seen and heard by their leaders. We need to hear regular updates on how our leaders are handling this crisis, we also need to be placing mental health and wellbeing issues at the forefront of policy discussions.
As referenced above, any discussion today of healthcare, education, homelessness, among so many other issues must include the mental health effects of related policy. Perhaps most importantly, we must acknowledge that it is ok to not be ok right now. You are not weak if you are struggling.
Maybe if we can remove the stigma around mental health, we will better be able to have these needed conversations and move forward on the policies that will address this most human of crises.
